The Pursuit of Honesty

Well my last post was May of last year! What??? On the one hand I am not surprised by this because it was a conscious decision to create distance in my Social Media presence in order to nurture my creative growth, but I must say, I didn't realize that it has almost been a year!

I am eager to share what has transpired since that time and I won't be able to share everything in this post, you do have other things to do outside of reading my blog so let me focus on the most significant.

I have spoken in the past about letting go of expectations, pressures and concepts that I felt were getting in the way of my creative practice and hindering my ability to create a body of work that felt deeply authentic, and that pursuit has continued over this last year and I am pleased to say that I now find myself in a new "space", a place I will call honest.

What do I mean when I use the word honest? Does that mean all the work I did up until now was a lie? Absolutely not! Let me describe it this way. I still consider myself a new and emerging artist, as a reminder I only began painting in the summer of 2020, and its consistently been my desire to create meaningful art that comes from a deep and personal place - what's changed for me is "how" I do that and recognizing the mindsets and beliefs that I had that were getting in the way of "arriving" sooner.

My confusion started at the very beginning not realizing that an artists voice is something you discover; its not to be forced or curated by emulating what someone else is doing, rather its a place where everything that lights you up, inspires you, moves you to tears, sparks wonder and awe merge and become woven into the DNA of who you already are. Perhaps for others the path is more of a straight line, for me however, it has been a big bowl of spaghetti and I have had to work on being patient, humble and comfortable with being uncomfortable in order to find my way thru, and I am already very aware that I will never fully arrive as a person so I must be willing to respond to shifts and the changing needs within my own art practice.

Finding honesty in my work meant letting go of the preconceived ideas I had about what type of work would be meaningful, and what is "worthy" of doing? I spent too much time thinking about how I could impress when really what I needed to be doing was finding ways to connect to my soul. I was looking outside myself for inspiration, I would see a trend and think " oh I like that, that must be what I am supposed to be doing!' No Char, it doesn't work like that. I have said this before and I think its worth repeating - art is like therapy, it has the uncanny ability to mirror back to you your deepest fears, sadness, joy and passion - it does it all, if you are brave enough to look it in the eyes. I was looking at others to show me who I am and what I needed to create when the truth is that what I need is already within reach, look inside, trust, believe, follow.

Here is my biggest take away from all the exploration and brave work I have done since last year...you ready? I always thought my "style" was what the end product looked like, that THAT was the key. To find consistency and authenticity you had to make yourself paint in a specific way, regardless of how you felt about that process, if it felt frustrating, unnatural, the list goes on; and yes style is important, don't get me wrong, this is how we know we are looking at a painting by Van Gogh, or a Rothko etc. BUT, for me at least, style isn't THE thing, its the result of what I would say is something far more important to creative success and that one thing is - the process.

Up until this discovery I didn't pay much attention to how I felt when I was painting, I focused on my technical skills, my ability to master those concepts and to end up with a painting that was stunning - at no point did I stop to consider how I felt during or after I was done. It was all about the end result. When I stopped performing on social media and posting content and really started to listen to my body I recognized, quite quickly the amount of stress, anxiety and tension I was carrying whilst painting. No wonder I became burnt out and lost some of my zeal, that was not a sustainable model to follow. It was time to make a BIG shift in how I was painting and redefining why I wanted to paint, and what I wanted to feel when doing so. In reality it was adios performance monster, hello to the real Char!

Here is the truth, for me as I found it - the magic is in the "how" you paint, the process, using that tools and supplies that feel the most genuine and repeating this over and over in new ways. I have found a consistent, reliable, energizing, motivating, invigorating way of painting that creates space for me when I have lots of energy while also being kind to me when I have little. It moves with me, from medium to medium (meaning the type of paint I use, like oils, gouache watercolour for example) it doesn't force me to niche down or limit my preferences. My process encourages exploration and discovery while also allowing me to create a cohesive body of work. This new strategy excites me, surprises me and feels just like ME! The intimacy I now feel when I create is impossible to describe, but I am confident you will see it if you really look.

One of the benefits of being in this space of integrity is how easily the ideas present themselves and the clarity I experience when starting something new. I don't labour over ideas as they come,

I trust them and act; this in turn has allowed me to create two of the largest collections I have ever done. The first being one I entitled: "My Tulips" (many of these are still visible on my website) and the second series is still underway entitled: "Cultivation: An Indoor Garden Study". I literally have set up outdoor flowering spring plants IN my studio to nurture this concept which allows me to immerse myself in the experience of caring for the plants as I paint and collage (oh yes, collage has become a significant part of my creative expression, more about that in the future). At the moment this collection can only be found on my IG, my Facebook page or Pinterest (I just started posting my work to this platform, go check it out https://pin.it/3p3YxX9Si).

In conclusion let me simply say this - I now possess clarity that what I was looking for all along was work that emerged from inside me, that my work would inspire other work that felt like you would see me if you saw it. What I desire is to have others impacted emotionally when they view my work, that they too would endeavour to honour and respect themselves, to choose honesty and authenticity over performance. I can confidently tell you that when I am in the studio now, there are rarely negative voices that follow me, I can commune in peace, create with freedom and tell myself when a painting is finished and know that this is "truth" - for me.

In a world that is becoming increasingly negative, fake, and uncertain I think honesty is something we must endeavour to protect and speak. It may not please everyone, in fact it won't - but truth spoken in love is worth more than words dripping with honey that come from a lying tongue and designed to confuse and deceive. I commit to continue to bring you art that is original, joyful, timeless, unique and genuine and I it is my prayer that it will bring you happiness when you need it most.

With love,

Char

p.s. let's talk again soon:)

pp.s. I am still selling my work, do not hesitate to contact me directly including to inquire about commissions. When the time feels right I will host a private Solo Exhibit in my Studio, if you subscribe to my blog you are already on the private email list to receive an invitation.